No, but I play one on TV

Most days I feel like a complete and utter impostor.  I walk around the hospital with my long white coat, examining patients and writing orders and wondering who in the world thought it was a sound idea to slap an MD behind my name and let me be responsible for sick people.  Nurses address me as "Dr. Bartlett" and ask me questions about patient care.  They call and tell me that my patient just had a run of sinus tachycardia in the 170s.  Then they ask me what I want to do about it.  My response usually starts with an  "Uh......well......uh......"  Then the pharmacist pages me wondering why on God's green earth my patient with c. diff is on both vancomycin AND imodium.  "Well.....er.....uh....."  I've heard on several different occasions that you just have to act the part.  So far, I think I'm a pretty crummy actor.

And speaking of pharmacists...they must think that doctors are the biggest idiots in the world.  We have a pharmacist that rounds with us daily, and bless her heart, she's as sweet as can be, but the look on her face would suggest that she wonders, frequently, who in the world thought it was a sound idea to slap an MD behind my name and let me be responsible for sick people.  She paged me yesterday and had to explain that the dose I'd written for on a particular medication didn't exist.  Intern fail. 

Thursday was a bad day.  I felt particularly incompetent on Thursday.  I spent most of the afternoon on Thursday cornering my co-interns in the halls and asking them if they felt incompetent every second of every day, like I did.  The response was an overwhelming YES.  So that made me feel better.  Then I called my smartest doctor friend Bethany and she reported that she also felt incompetent on a daily basis.  Again, I was reassured.  I believe, however, if you got a CT of my head, you would see a striking amount of atrophy.  Or nothing at all.  Just a big, empty skull.  Abrainia. 

Today was a better day.  My incompetency meter was probably a 4/10 today, as opposed to a 9/10 like on Thursday.  And I got home at about 4.  And I have tomorrow off.  That means I can go to church and ask God to make me a little less incompetent. 

So, in summary:
 - I am incompetent
 - Pharmacists believe most doctors to be stupid
 - Pharmacists are correct in their assessment
 - I have the day off tomorrow