Sometimes it's hard to keep my pants up....

The Quadruple Grenade Sign....the poorest of prognostic indicators.

You say it's your birthday.....

Ah, October 18th.....a blessed day! 

It's really kind of sad when facebook has to remind you that it's your birthday.  Oh well, so be it. 

I woke up yesterday at 4:30am to the sound of my dear husband doing P90X.  He is a freak of nature.  I'm still trying to figure out what mutant gene he acquired that causes him to wake up at 3:50am to work out and that entices him to eat vegetables on a daily basis.  I have the opposite of that gene.  Or I'm just lazy and prefer buttered noodles, take your pick.   

Anywhoozles....I stumbled down the stairs and hurdled the baby gate, as I do every morning.  Yesterday I cleared it without incident....not always the case.  I glanced in the mirror and noticed a few pimples on my nose....probably from my increased Nestle Quik consumption.  I may be 31, but at least I have the complexion of a 13 year old!  Ah...thank you, T-Zone, for making me feel young.   ( I can hear all of you gasping....you thought I was 24, didn't you!?!?!)

Work was uneventful.  I would like to give a shout out to the patient, who prior to receiving a rectal exam from yours truly, stated, "Gosh, I wish you were some old, ugly lady....that would make this easier."  You made my day, sir.  You made my day.  Oh, and you were hemoccult negative....so that's good. 

My lovely attending, knowing that it was my birthday, decided that I should take off early in the afternoon, and so I did.  Thank you Dr. L for being so thoughtful.  And as for you, Dr. P.....YOU forgot my birthday....even though I'm sure facebook reminded you.  But I'm over it.  No, really.....it's cool.  I'm fine.  Clearly. 

I got home and called Danny.  He was at the store picking something up.  I imagined that he was buying me flowers for my birthday.....and the following is what I was planning on blogging after I received said flowers:

"My sweet husband....even though I've told him dozens of times not to buy me flowers.  He knew deep down that I really did want flowers."

He came home with a card and a bag full of Aspen Mulling Spice, a CD and Nutty Bars....no flowers.  And to that I say:

"My sweet husband....he knows that flowers only wither away, but this girl LOVES HER SOME NUTTY BARS!!!"

Later in the evening, Danny and I attended a free dinner at Ruth's Chris.  This doctor gig if finally paying off....'bout dang time!  Unfortunately, my steak came out well done.  In the ultimate show of selflessness and devotion, Danny gave me half of his steak, which was cooked medium to my preference.  I drank 1.5 glasses of wine, and per usual, declared myself drunk after the first glass.  Wine at Ruth's Chris is very potent.  I'm not sure what the speaker was talking about, but he was very energetic....and blurry. 

So that about sums up my birthday.  It was a good one. 

In crummy news, my Grandma B. fell and broke her hip last night.  She's currently at SMMC where they're getting her fixed up.  If you could send some prayers her way, well, that would be nice. 

An Ode to Rachel....on the Eve of her Wedding

All the wine at the rehearsal dinner tonight sent me into an emotional tailspin...several unfortunate people sitting in close proximity can vouch for this.  I will now type and cry, type and cry.  It's therapeutic.


Rachel is the one I met in the 1st grade.  She had just moved from the "dot" and I was her mother's worst Johnson County nightmare.

Rachel was my three-legged-race partner during field day.  We won second place.  I have not seen her move faster than a walk since that day.

Rachel is the one who cried with me before I told my mom about the stupid thing I did in 8th grade. 

Rachel is the one who used to love wearing "country apple" body lotion from Bath and Body Works.  That is, until her mother told us we were too old to go around smelling like fruit.

Rachel is the one I spent countless hours with at 3&2, watching baseball games on warm summer nights. 

Rachel is the one who spent hours with me at Abercrombie & Fitch, even though the plaid carpet made her dizzy. 

Rachel was my very first roommate.  She is the one who tolerated one year of me eating powdered coffee creamer out of the can, leaving my cheese wrappers lying around our room, and setting my alarm clock for ungodly hours.

Rachel is my Endless Love duet partner....even though she always makes me sing the boy part.

Rachel is the one who looked me in the eyes and said, "I've always thought you should be a doctor."  And when she said it, I had the confidence to do it. 

Rachel is the one who thinks that God sent a hail storm just for her, so she could collect the insurance money and buy herself a Louis Vuitton bag.

Rachel is the one I think of when I hear Aerosmith or Tom Petty on the radio.

Rachel is the one who fell in love with a boy named Travis.  And when I saw the way he looked at her tonight as they were practicing their vows, my heart was happy....because I know he is the one. 

Congratulations, my dear friend!

I'll see you in the morning, after I buy myself some waterproof mascara.

First Impressions

I'm fairly certain that when people meet me for the first time, they think, "Now there's a girl who is clearly more concerned with skin cancer than she is with vitamin D deficiency."

This has been on my mind for a while....just needed to share. 

Numbers

Yesterday....

4:50 - the time I rolled out of bed.  Moaning and cursing.

9 - the number of consecutive days I'd worked.

14 - the number of hours I worked in one day.

1 -The number of cinnamon rolls I ate.

4 - The number of cups of coffee I drank.  The minimum required dose to maintain consciousness.

3 - The number of pagers I carried.

0 - The opportunities I had to go to the restroom.

5 - The number of times I've heard Dr. S's sepsis lecture. 

2 - The number of admissions I did after 1600.

7 - The number of times my stupid ID badge fell off my coat.

52 - The number of seconds it took me to pull out a pericardial drain.  My fellow told me if I went too fast I might tear the heart. 

8:15 - The time I left work.

1 - The number of drinks consumed before I declared myself officially intoxicated.

2 - The seconds it took me to fall asleep after crawling into bed.

Happy day off to me!!!  It's about freaking time!

Assumptions....

Several years ago, I promised my BFF Rachel that I would buy her a fancy pair of designer shoes for her wedding.  At that time, she was single and I made this promise based on two assumptions.  Either 1. Rachel would never get married, or 2. I would be extremely wealthy by the time she finally did meet that special someone. 

Well, turns out that Rachel met, fell in love with, and is now engaged to a wonderful guy.  I've learned to look past the fact that he went to MU, and focus on the things that we have in common; a mutual admiration of station wagons (be it Volvo or Subaru), and old plaid-lined Lands End jackets.  We have a strong foundation.  And of course, we both love and adore Rachel.

So....Yay!  Happy!  Fun!  Rachel and Travis are getting married!

And I am left scratching my head as to how assumption number 2 hasn't quite panned out.  Yeah, yeah...I'm a doctor....but I'm so far in debt from my medical school loans that the only thing I can afford to be is a doctor.  And the last time I calculated my hourly wage, it was approximately $4.00.   

None the less, a promise is a promise.

So Rachel and I did lots of internet searching for fancy bridal shoes.  We looked online at Bergdorf, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus and Saks 5th Avenue.  We both fell in love with a pair of Manolos, only to be crushed when we found out that the $158.00 price was the price for the knock-offs and the real Manolos were closer to $600.00.  Gah....I still weep.

Then Rachel finally narrowed down her favorites to a group of about 4 and let me make the final decision,  which was a bit nerve-racking.  The choice of wedding shoes is not to be taken lightly! 

So I picked out a pretty little pair of Vera Wang slippers and my promise from years ago was kept. 

And if I start looking thinner over the next few months, its likely that I can't afford food. 

Cheers to Rachel and Travis....and Vera!

Oh....and if you happen to be attending the blessed event, please take a moment to admire the shoes.  I would appreciate it.  Thank you. 

Bacon

Dear Cardiology Patient,

Although I have no evidence that you have coronary artery disease and your work up for chest pain has been completely negative, I cannot, in good faith, let you have a regular diet while you are on the cardiology service. While you are in the hospital, you will comply with the low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol diet.  My apologies.

Now excuse me, I have to get down to the cafeteria before all of the bacon is gone.

Your friendly cardiology resident,

CBart, MD