Turn on Your Heart Light

Last week I got my heart monitor in the mail.  I wasn't expecting it since I hadn't even seen a cardiologist yet, but you know....they're probably all too busy golfing.  So they sent the monitor in their stead.  Clearly nobody thinks I'm going to drop over dead from my PVCs, so....that's reassuring.

This little monitor that I have is supposed to monitor events.  Would you believe that since I've stopped drinking coffee that my events have stopped?  Yeah, I've been wearing this silly thing all day, every day actually HOPING for some PVCs so I'll have something to record to show the cardiologists so the following scenario doesn't take place:


Cardiologist:  Well Ms. Bartlett....

Me: (coughs "Dr. Bartlett" under breath)

Cardiologist:  You've been wearing the monitor for 30 days and we haven't recorded any abnormalities.

Me: But....but....I promise.  I get these weird spells where my heart goes "lub-dub.....lub-dub.....lub-dub-lub-dub...................*come on little SA node!...........lub-DUUUUB. 

Cardiologist:  Oh, of course.  I believe you.  I'm just going to have our front desk make an appointment for you to follow up with one of the nice people in our psychiatry department. 

~The End~

So now I've started drinking coffee again to try to make my heart misbehave.  So far no luck.  I knew this was going to happen.  Stupid heart!

But....if it turns out that caffeine is the culprit...well, that just means that the universe is a cold, cruel place for Christi to live.  Starting my intern year without the performance enhancing effects of coffee is like dropping me off in the middle of Lake Michigan in a wee little boat with no paddle.  And then putting sharks in Lake Michigan.  Would sharks even survive in Lake Michigan?  I'm not a marine biologist.  Scratch the sharks.  Lets go with the traditional evil sea creature ~ sea bass with lasers.  The ill-tempered variety.  That's what intern year will be like for me.  Sympathy please!    

I don't know where I'm going with this.  Big surprise.  I'm just frustrated that there is no rhyme or reason to my crazy heart beats and I can't even catch them on the monitor.  They're like big-foot.

Stay tuned for my adventures in the psych ward.

Oh, and just for fun, here's a picture of me rocking my EKG sticker.  Don't even ask what I was thinking.

Well, what I was thinking was, "Oh heck, Carrody has a camera, quick, do the mad model look, no...don't do that, you'll look like a tool....blast....too late!"